PTSD birth trauma and motherhood.

Hello, it’s been a while. I’m sorry I’ve been away. Things have been hectic over here the last few months with a new baby, wedding, house move and unfortunately severe illnesses. This time last year I almost died and I’m going to share that story with you now.

We’ve lived in our little thatched cottage for over a year now and it feels more like home every single day. I remember the day we drove away from our Cotswolds cottage in Oxfordshire, Tabitha and I in the back, Jon in the front driving and the cats in their cages ready to start our new life in our new house.

On the drive I was in tears, partly because we were leaving our gorgeous old 14th century Cotswolds cottage, but also because I had severe depression and birth trauma and didn’t even realise it.

Tabitha was sitting next to me, so little, vulnerable and in need of her parents and ever since the day she came into our world we’ve loved her more than anything in the universe and always will, but it wasn’t until January when we realised just how unwell I had become.

Looking back now I realise I resented that we moved and our new beautiful home and wasn’t happy and blamed that for the way I felt ignoring the reality that is birth trauma. I kept all of this to myself and put on a brave face every day like all mothers do, but the fact is that face was far from the truth and I had no idea who to turn to or what to do.

Now a year later, I don’t recognise the person I once was before becoming a mother, I don’t recognise the person I was when I went through severe trauma and PTSD – it’s as if someone took over my mind and body and I’ve huge dark patches where my brain’s protective gear kicked in…

Looking at videos on my phone, my posts and photos on social media I can see a timeline of where I was critically unwell physically and mentally and I battled through it in such a way that I now realise I’m one of the strongest women in this planet, I’m as Mum.

Our house has become a home, we’ve renovated extensively and whilst we can’t quite afford a new kitchen just yet (thanks damp issue), we’re getting there. The dining room is almost completed, Jon’s new office and our laundry rooms weeks from being done and our daughter is an absolute ray of happiness, hope and sunshine for everyone who meets her and I’m proud to say I’m recovering, happier than I’ve been in months and looking forward to our families future together with a new edition in a few weeks.

I’ve shared more of the birth trauma story on YouTube, make sure you’re subscribed and watch that if you’d like to learn more.

Thank you so much for sticking by me these last years, I’m going to become more active on here and YouTube so don’t miss a thing by subscribing and you’ll see me pop up when you visit my channels! X